8.09.2015

I'm afraid....


My mind has been on blogging vacation lately so I thought I would write a more personal post today.  Something you probably don't know about me nor do many people.

I'm afraid of myself.
I don't trust myself.
I don't love myself.
I want to love fully.
I'm anxious.
I'm depressed.

Have you ever felt afraid of yourself?  Unsure of what you will do next?  Something inside of me is very broken and wrong.  I hurt people that I love the most by doing stupid shit that I know is wrong.  I hate myself for doing that but yet it feels like I cannot control it.  I worry about things I shouldn't and don't worry about things I should.  I truly want to love myself, I want to be happy with my body.  I want to be a good partner/friend.  I want to be a better person and I am trying very hard to be.  

I'm very broken and I know that.  I think all of this is linked to a terrible childhood and a terrible upbringing due to my father.  I am not putting blame on him but a lot of this has happened because of my issues with that.  In case you are wondering, I found out recently that my father is a pedophile on top of his alcoholism.  But that is a story for another time, perhaps?

I am trying everything I can to stop this because I really don't want to be that person.  Does anyone maybe have some advice or help for me?  I could really use it.

However, since there is already so much negativity in the world, I thought I would also share a couple of things that I love about myself:

I love my laugh.
I love my eyes.
I love my crazy curly hair (when it behaves).


Do you have any secrets about yourself that no one knows? You can share them below along with something you love about yourself! <3

2 comments:

  1. The people who seem to have things together are far and few between, and the ones who seem to have everything together are empty souls, as far as I know. Most of my friends, including myself, or people I know, are confused and don't know what to do with their lives. I think these feelings are very common and nothing at all wrong about them. I think finding more things you like about yourself as you noted is something very important. My sort of secret is that while I really love animals, I distrust most people and don't really "like" them, lol. It's also due to my upbringing, as one of my parents had borderline personality.

    The truth is, life doesn't get easier as you get older, and it is always confusing, but somehow you just need to find yourself and find your passions.

    Hope things work out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much Mina! You made me feel better about myself and I appreciate that. But can I ask why loving animals is a secret for you? Why not proudly love and support them like I do? We can do it together! :)

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