I'm afraid....

My mind has been on blogging vacation lately so I thought I would write a more personal post today.  Something you probably don't know about me nor do many people.

I'm afraid of myself.
I don't trust myself.
I don't love myself.
I want to love fully.
I'm anxious.
I'm depressed.

Have you ever felt afraid of yourself?  Unsure of what you will do next?  Something inside of me is very broken and wrong.  I hurt people that I love the most by doing stupid shit that I know is wrong.  I hate myself for doing that but yet it feels like I cannot control it.  I worry about things I shouldn't and don't worry about things I should.  I truly want to love myself, I want to be happy with my body.  I want to be a good partner/friend.  I want to be a better person and I am trying very hard to be.  

I'm very broken and I know that.  I think all of this is linked to a terrible childhood and a terrible upbringing due to my father.  I am not putting blame on him but a lot of this has happened because of my issues with that.  In case you are wondering, I found out recently that my father is a pedophile on top of his alcoholism.  But that is a story for another time, perhaps?

I am trying everything I can to stop this because I really don't want to be that person.  Does anyone maybe have some advice or help for me?  I could really use it.

However, since there is already so much negativity in the world, I thought I would also share a couple of things that I love about myself:

I love my laugh.
I love my eyes.
I love my crazy curly hair (when it behaves).

Do you have any secrets about yourself that no one knows? You can share them below along with something you love about yourself! <3


I moved!

I have moved into a new apartment!  I love it so so so much.  It's a lovely little 1 bedroom apartment located in the same town and I could not be happier with it!  It has tons of character, it also feels homey and warm.  Bear is super happy about the move too since now he can roam free and peek out of windows and do all sorts of doggy things.

Would you guys like to see photos of the new place once I get fully settled in?

P.S. - Sorry this post is so short!


First experience at the Atlantic Ocean!

A few weeks ago I took a day trip to visit the Atlantic Ocean. I have to admit that the day started out as a disaster but I would do it again in a heart beat! At first I went to Crescent beach but since I forgot a towel, I had to go shop for one. However, there was not a store in sight that sold towels! 

So, I decided to take a trip up to Daytona Beach which is another hour-ish drive. Here is how my few minutes in Daytona went: I get there, pay for parking, get my stuff settled on the beach and take bear down to the water, get rained on, get stopped by beach patrol and told that no dogs are allowed on the beach, angrily walk back to the car, contemplate heading home, drive down to Flagler Beach (which allows animals). Quite busy for only actually being on the beach there for about 10 minutes, huh?

At that point, I almost gave up. However, it was a blessing in disguise since Flagler Beach was sunny and beautiful! I saw Pelicans for the first time ever and couldn't stop squealing over them. Bear had a fantastic time but was very unsure of the ocean hehe. It took forever to bathe him and to get rid of the sand when I got home, but that's how she goes!

That last picture is how Bear slept on my lap during the drive home. I think it's safe to say that he had a very fun day, but also an exhausting one. 

Have you had any amazing summer trips yet? 



Hi everyone!!

I can't believe some of you are still here! I'm sorry I have not posted in a hot minute, please forgive me? 

Some crazy things have been going on in my life which is why my posting schedule has been so hectic. For one, I moved to Florida. Yes, I am now in Florida, all of the way across the country from where I was. I will not get into why at this moment but just know it is something that I felt was necessary. Bear is having allergic reactions to being in this state but I guess that is a normal thing? Not sure! But I am hoping he will get used to it and stop scratching himself so much.

I've also been in a huge funk. I am going to be moving back to Canada some time in the near future to work on my self. I really want to love myself and cherish myself which is a whole lot harder than it sounds. I'm constantly emotional and down all of the time and that takes its toll on relationships and friendships. I feel bad leaving this place after I've only recently got here but it's something I have to do for myself, you know?

Anyway, how are all of you?! I will be updating and changing things on this blog over the next while so don't be too concerned if things look different next time you stop by :)

I've missed you all!!!! <3


Well, hello there!

Hi lovelies!

Whoa it has been a very, very long time since I have posted, which I am very sad about since I worked so hard to make it look as good as possible. I guess I kinda figured that since I've been uploading to my youtube channel that I didn't need to maintain my blog, I still kinda feel that way. What do you guys think? I'd love some feedback please!

Quite a few things have changed since I've last updated you all: I got a new job in retail which I really do enjoy. I'm junior management there which is a whole new experience for me but I love learning new things about it. My husband also got a new job but they are taking their time getting him trained, but that always seems to be the case with new hirees (is that a word? Probably not.)

We also got a dog! His name is Bear and he is part Dachshund and part Sheltie. We adopted him from the animal shelter about 2 months ago. He is 3 years old and probably the sweetest dog ever! When he finally saw him in person though, we noticed one of his ears is half gone which is sad but it makes for a cute characteristic!

I hope you guys had a wonderful year while I have been inactive here! I'd love to know how you guys are so please leave me comments down below! Can't wait to talk to you!

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